9 Communication Tips for Children with Autism: A Parent’s Guide

TL;DR: Communication challenges are a core feature of autism, but communication is more than speech. Your child communicates through behavior, gestures, facial expressions, and vocalizations — even if they don’t use words. These 9 strategies help you build connection: get on their level, follow their lead, wait longer than feels natural, use visual supports, simplify your language, honor all forms of communication, create communication opportunities, use AAC when appropriate, and be consistent. The goal isn’t perfect speech — it’s effective, functional communication in whatever form works for your child.

Communication is often the biggest daily challenge for families of autistic children. Your child has needs, feelings, ideas, and preferences — but they may not be able to express them in ways you can easily understand. And when communication breaks down, frustration builds — for both of you.

Here’s the good news: communication can be taught, strengthened, and supported. And it doesn’t have to be verbal speech. The strategies below are used by Board Certified Behavior Analysts (BCBAs), speech-language pathologists, and autism experts worldwide. You can start using them at home today.

Understanding Communication in Autism

Before diving into strategies, it helps to understand what’s happening.

Communication Challenges in Autism

Autistic children may struggle with:

• Expressive language — using words, gestures, or other means to communicate needs, wants, and thoughts
• Receptive language — understanding what others say to them
• Pragmatic language — the social rules of communication (taking turns, staying on topic, reading nonverbal cues)
• Joint attention — sharing focus on something with another person (looking at something together, pointing to share interest)
• Nonverbal communication — using and understanding facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and gestures

Your Child IS Communicating

Even if your child doesn’t use words, they’re communicating through:

• Behavior — a tantrum says “I’m overwhelmed” or “I want that.” Aggression may say “I need to escape this situation.” Understanding the 4 functions of behavior helps you decode behavioral communication.
• Gestures — reaching, pointing, leading you by the hand, pushing things away
• Vocalizations — sounds, babbling, or vocal patterns that carry meaning
• Facial expressions — smiling, frowning, grimacing
• Physical movement — approaching or avoiding people, places, and activities

Your first job isn’t to change how your child communicates — it’s to understand what they’re already telling you.

Tip 1: Get on Their Level

What: Physically position yourself at your child’s eye level. Sit on the floor. Kneel. Lie down if they’re lying down.

Why it works: When you tower over a child, you’re less accessible. Getting on their level puts you in their visual field, makes eye contact more natural (without forcing it), and signals that you’re joining their world rather than directing it.

How to do it: During play, sit facing your child. During daily routines, kneel. When talking, crouch down. Make your face easy to see, not something your child has to look up to find.

What to avoid: Don’t force eye contact. For many autistic children, direct eye contact is uncomfortable or overwhelming. Being at their level makes natural glances more likely — that’s enough.

Tip 2: Follow Their Lead

What: Join your child in what they’re already interested in, rather than redirecting them to what you want to do.

Why it works: Your child is most motivated to communicate when they’re engaged in something they care about. A child who loves trains is far more likely to produce words, gestures, or interactions during train play than during an activity you’ve chosen for them.

How to do it:

• Watch what your child gravitates toward
• Sit nearby and parallel play (doing the same thing alongside them)
• Narrate what they’re doing: “You’re spinning the wheels! Spin, spin, spin!”
• Add small variations to their play: if they’re lining up cars, add one to the line
• Wait for them to notice you before pushing interaction

The principle: Enter their world first. Communication follows engagement.

Tip 3: Wait Longer Than Feels Natural

What: After creating a communication opportunity, wait 5–10 seconds before jumping in with help.

Why it works: Parents of autistic children often anticipate needs (because they love their child and know them so well). But anticipating every need removes the reason to communicate. If your child’s juice appears before they ask for it, they never need to ask.

How to do it:

• Hold a desired item where your child can see it but can’t reach it
• Pause before giving them what they want
• Count silently to 5 (it will feel like an eternity)
• Look expectant — raise your eyebrows, lean in slightly
• Accept ANY communicative attempt — a reach, a sound, a glance at the item, a gesture

The waiting game:

• You hold the cookie jar at 2 seconds: “Here, honey”
• You wait to 5 seconds: Your child reaches toward the jar
• You wait to 10 seconds: Your child looks at you, then at the jar, then at you again (that’s communication!)

That moment — the look from jar to you to jar — is joint attention, and it’s one of the most important communication skills you can nurture.

Find ABA providers near you who specialize in building communication skills.

Tip 4: Use Visual Supports

What: Pair verbal language with visual information — pictures, objects, gestures, written words.

Why it works: Many autistic children are visual learners. Spoken words disappear the moment they’re said. Pictures and objects remain visible, giving your child more time to process and respond.

Types of Visual Supports

Visual schedules — pictures showing the sequence of activities (morning routine, bedtime routine, school day). Post them at your child’s eye level.

Choice boards — two or more pictures your child can point to. “Do you want apple or crackers?” with photos of each.

First-Then boards — “First shoes, then playground.” Shows what needs to happen before the preferred activity.

Social stories — simple illustrated narratives about what will happen in new or challenging situations.

Visual timers — show your child how much time is left for an activity or transition.

How to start: Take photos of your child’s daily activities with your phone. Print them and laminate them (or use an app). Create a simple morning routine visual schedule: wake up → get dressed → eat breakfast → brush teeth → go to school. Point to each step as it happens.

Tip 5: Simplify Your Language

What: Match your language complexity to one step above your child’s current level.

Why it works: Long sentences overload auditory processing. If your child uses single words, speak in two-word phrases. If they use two-word phrases, model three-word sentences. This gives them a reachable next step.

Language Matching Guide

Your Child’s Level	Your Language Model
Nonverbal	Single words: “Ball!” “Up!” “Eat!”
Single words	Two-word phrases: “Want ball.” “Go up.” “Eat apple.”
Two-word phrases	Short sentences: “I want the ball.” “Let’s go up.”
Short sentences	Slightly longer: “I want the red ball, please.”

Key principles:

• Use simple, concrete words
• Emphasize key words with stress and pausing: “Want… BALL?”
• Repeat important words naturally: “Ball! You want the ball. Here’s the ball!”
• Avoid questions when possible (they require responses your child may not be able to produce). Instead of “What do you want?”, try “You want ___” and pause.

Tip 6: Honor All Forms of Communication

What: Accept and reinforce ANY communicative attempt — not just speech.

Why it works: If you only respond when your child uses words, you miss hundreds of communicative attempts per day. By honoring all communication, you teach your child that communicating (in any form) works — which motivates more communication.

Forms of Communication to Honor

• Reaching — “You want that! Here you go.”
• Pointing — “You see the dog! Yes, it’s a dog!”
• Leading by the hand — “You want me to come. Show me what you want.”
• Pushing something away — “You don’t want that. I’ll take it away.”
• Crying or fussing — “Something’s wrong. Let me help you.”
• Echolalia (repeating phrases) — often functional. If your child says “want goldfish?” they may be requesting goldfish crackers.
• AAC device or picture card — respond as quickly and naturally as you would to speech

The message: “I hear you. Your communication works. Keep communicating.”

Learn how ABA therapy builds on this principle in our guide to types of ABA therapy.

Tip 7: Create Communication Opportunities

What: Intentionally set up situations where your child needs to communicate to get what they want.

Why it works: If everything your child needs is freely available, there’s no motivation to communicate. Strategic “communication temptations” create natural reasons to reach out.

Strategies

Put preferred items in sight but out of reach. Place their favorite snack on a high shelf (visible but inaccessible). They’ll need to communicate to get it.

Give small portions. Instead of a full bowl of crackers, give 2–3 at a time. They’ll need to request more.

“Forget” a step. Give them a juice box without the straw. Give them a crayon but no paper. Open the bubbles but don’t blow. Wait for them to notice and request the missing piece.

Offer wrong items playfully. Give them a shoe when they clearly want a snack. “Is THIS what you want?” with a playful tone. They’ll communicate “no” (in whatever form) and redirect you to what they actually want.

Pause during familiar routines. During a song or game your child knows, pause at a predictable point and wait. “Ready, set…” (wait for “go!”). “Twinkle, twinkle little…” (wait).

Important

Never withhold basic needs (food, water, comfort) as a communication exercise. These strategies create opportunities — they don’t create distress. If your child becomes frustrated, honor their communication attempt immediately and help them succeed.

Take our matching quiz to find ABA providers who build communication into every session.

Tip 8: Consider AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication)

What: If your child is nonverbal or minimally verbal, explore Augmentative and Alternative Communication tools — devices, apps, or systems that provide a way to communicate beyond speech.

Why it works: AAC gives your child a voice. Contrary to a persistent myth, AAC does NOT prevent speech development — research shows it actually supports spoken language development by reducing frustration and creating more communication practice.

AAC Options

Type	Description	Examples
Picture Exchange (PECS)	Child hands a picture card to request	Laminated photos, Velcro boards
Sign language	Modified ASL signs	”More,” “eat,” “help,” “all done”
Speech-generating devices	Tablet or dedicated device that speaks when buttons are pressed	iPad with Proloquo2Go, TouchChat, LAMP Words for Life
Low-tech boards	Printed communication boards	Choice boards, category boards

When to Consider AAC

• Your child is 18+ months and not yet using functional speech
• Your child has words but they’re unreliable or echolalic
• Frustration and challenging behavior are driven by communication breakdowns
• Your child has more to say than their speech can express

Don’t wait for speech to fail before trying AAC. Early AAC use supports language development. Talk to your child’s BCBA and/or speech-language pathologist about the right AAC option.

Tip 9: Be Consistent

What: Use the same words, gestures, visual supports, and communication strategies across all settings and caregivers.

Why it works: Consistency accelerates learning. If Mom models “more” with a sign, but Dad says “do you want another one?”, and the teacher says “are you finished?”, the child receives three different language models for the same concept. Pick one approach and have everyone use it.

How to Create Consistency

• Share strategies with all caregivers. Create a simple one-page communication guide: “Here’s how we request snacks in our family. Here’s what the signs look like. Here’s how to wait for a response.”
• Use the same visual supports everywhere. If you use a visual schedule at home, create one for school and grandma’s house too.
• Align with your child’s therapy team. Ask the BCBA and SLP what language models and strategies they’re using — then mirror them at home.
• Practice during daily routines. The best communication practice happens naturally — during meals, bath time, getting dressed, going to the park. These aren’t “therapy moments” — they’re life moments that happen to be perfect learning opportunities.

When to Seek Professional Help

These strategies are powerful, but they work best alongside professional support:

• ABA therapy — a BCBA designs a comprehensive communication-building program using the types of ABA therapy best suited to your child
• Speech-language therapy — an SLP specializes in language development, articulation, feeding, and AAC device selection
• Both together — ABA and speech therapy are complementary. The BCBA focuses on the behavioral aspects of communication (motivation, practice, generalization), while the SLP focuses on the language and motor aspects

Read our guide to understanding ABA therapy to see how communication fits into a comprehensive program.

Browse ABA clinics near you or take our matching quiz to find providers who prioritize communication.

Frequently Asked Questions

My child is 3 and not talking. Is it too late?

No — it’s absolutely not too late. Many autistic children begin speaking between ages 3 and 6 with appropriate support. And even if spoken language doesn’t develop, your child can communicate effectively through AAC. The key is starting communication support now rather than waiting for speech to “develop on its own.” Read about early intervention with ABA therapy.

Will using sign language or AAC prevent my child from talking?

No. This is the most persistent myth in autism communication, and research has thoroughly debunked it. Studies consistently show that AAC either has no effect on speech development or actually promotes it — because it reduces frustration and creates more opportunities for communication practice. Your child will use speech if and when they’re able to, regardless of whether they also use AAC.

How do I know if my child needs speech therapy, ABA therapy, or both?

Most autistic children benefit from both. Speech therapy focuses on the mechanics and structure of language. ABA therapy focuses on the motivation and functional use of communication. Together, they’re more effective than either alone. Your pediatrician can make referrals to both. Many ABA clinics coordinate with speech-language pathologists.

My child uses echolalia (repeating phrases). Is that communication?

Often, yes. Echolalia can be highly functional. A child who says “want goldfish?” (repeating your previous question) may be requesting goldfish. A child who quotes a movie line during a specific situation may be using that line to express an emotion they can’t express independently. Pay attention to when and how echolalia is used — it often carries meaning.

What’s the most important communication strategy I can start today?

Wait. Just wait. Give your child 5–10 seconds more than you normally would before jumping in to help. Those seconds of silence are where communication is born. Your child is processing, preparing, and trying — but if you fill the silence first, they don’t have the space to try.